‘Tis the Season to Rejoice… or is it?

It’s weird how 2003 is drawing to an end. I still feel like I haven’t gotten used to writing 2003 when initiating dates. And already we’re heading towards 2004. Has it really been a year? Has 365 days really passed by? It’s just strange how I don’t feel like starting anew. New year is like turning a whole new leaf, leaving the bad habits and memories behind and starting fresh. But reality is, things just don’t fade with the coming of New Year. I still feel like snuggling in 2003 and letting the rest of the world go ahead with a brand new year. But of course, that ain’t gonna happen.

I have many things to reflect on of the past year. A year that has tested my patience, made me go through a lot of challenges in dealing with so many situations. Challenges I never thought I would have to endeavour. Of deaths, partings, failures, transitions, just to name a few. But everything has made me a stronger person than I once was. Not all were bitter… but the sweet ones had to go through bitter moments before finally cherished. This year too, I have reunited with so many long lost friends, and grown away from a few as well. At times, people whom we once assumed as friends probably don’t deserve the title as much as we’d like them to be. And when you think of it rationally, people that aren’t any worth of your time are really better without. I’ve been known to be patient in a few areas but patience has its limitations. Needless to say, I have learnt a lot from people, from situations and surroundings. But I like to think myself as what Robert Frost stated in his poem, that I took the road less traveled… that my experiences has made me what I am today.

It feels just like yesterday though that I was a school kid in uniform. I’m not that much older now I know, but somehow I feel older than my age. I’ve grown out of doing things most teenagers my age are doing now. Like celebrating New Year and all “Hey Naz, where you celebrating New Year?”is an example of what I’ve been profusely asked recently. I celebrated all there was to celebrate during my wild school years and now… it’s just nothing to me. I’d rather stay home and watch TV instead than stand before thousands of energetic people. In fact, I can even watch the fireworks from my place. There will be a point in life where things like that matter no more. Some of my friends who were in on this with me once upon a time would know what I mean. They too have somewhat ‘graduated from all the chaos of such.

Being the eldest to 5 siblings has probably contributed to how serious I take and deal with many things. How I think more than twice before coming up with what I really want, how I can be hardheaded and level-headed at the same time and most importantly, how I plant my feet firmly to the ground. But the fact that I’m the only daughter has its downsides. I’m prone to vulnerability. I take things harder. At a certain state, when the consequences are so hard to bear, I fall into total despair, I fall and I fall… but there’s nobody to catch me. But I stand up again and gain my composure because I’m much stronger now. Way stronger than what I once was. And I’ll be forever grateful for all those people who have stood by me through thick and thin.

It’s been a year full of many highlights, not just in my life but around the world as well. To conclude the finale, I would say that the ending of 2003 isn’t as joyous as it’s supposed to be. Not as merry as the colourful light bulbs on pine trees and the red-and-greens of Christmas or the big fireworks of New Year’s celebration… at least not to me. Definitely not as sweet as the taste of sugary mint candy canes. But secretly, I’m hoping that 2004 will have something in store for me; maybe return that speck of happiness I deserve. To 2004!!! Cheers!

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